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Now I'm Not Saying She's a Gold Digger (but she doesn't date broke men anymore) and this is why.

January 23, 2019

I was always down to build with men in the past. It's okay if you don't have it I got it type of mentality and vice versa. Oh you have a dream, lets chase it. As a empath I have always found myself in situations where I was bending over backwards to make the other person happy, putting my happiness on the backend. Which would normally leave me empty-handed once the relationship had ended. I always loved the idea of building with someone and how amazing the feeling would be when you both "made it". To be able to look across the table at your beloved and know that you guys fought through the tough times to make it to this point, how rewarding that feeling would be. But things change.

 

When I first moved to LA I lived in a room, no joke a tiny little room and bathroom. With a mini fridge and microwave. I met a boy soon after I moved here, I say boy because none of the qualities he holds are of those that define a man. We were in "love" I look back and laugh at the idea of being so in love with this man that I sacrificed so much of myself for, because the girl who did that is no longer here anymore. I let him move in with me (he was currently living at his moms). Thinking he would eventually be on his feet and stable enough to at least split the rent with me which would have been an easy $400. Never happened. He consistently claimed he was almost out of debt and that things would be better soon, it never got better. 

I never pressed too hard, which is another mistake I made as a woman. If you are in a relationship with someone, and especially living with them, I believe you have every right to ask what is going on with their finances. Money should be something that can be talked about openly not hidden from your partner. 

 

As females today I feel like the role of men and women has changed quite drastically. And this isn't for everyone's relationship but from a lot of my girlfriends and just from studying others relationships I have seen a lot of women stepping up when it comes to the finances of their household. Allowing men to live with them, paying for the food for both of them, buying other items for their man whether this be weed, clothing, a video game, etc. What I noticed about these men is they were okay with watching their woman get up and get after it while they sat around. They were okay with their woman taking care of them like they were their sons. Let me make this very clear, I am not here to be anyone's mother and neither should you. They already have one of those. As his woman you should be an equal partner not a caretaker (unless your lover is sick.) Just because certain women have decided to be more financially independent and more job oriented does not mean they are here to take care of ain't shit men. These choices of becoming more independent are made because within as a woman you may not be fulfilled as just a house wife or allowing your man to take care of you. This doesn't mean as a man you step back and allow her to take care of you. This does not mean this independent woman doesn't want dates with flowers and a man that opens the door, but this is something I believe we are seeing more and more of in society. With my previous relationship it never mattered if I was doing great financially. If he was down in the dumps, out of a job (which a majority of the time he was) his ego was deflated. His insecurities were pushed onto me and made me feel like I was less than when in reality I was better which I believe bothered him. And it was always about money because he never had any, and if he did he didn't know how to properly budget it. 

 

Now this isn't me saying I am the most well put together woman out there, I have struggled and I know there will be times ahead where I will struggle again. That is life. But I never want to struggle with a man again, I prefer to do that alone. When I said above that those relationships where I was giving my all I was left empty handed was not an over exaggeration. My last relationship left me not only heartbroken, but also broke. I spent my last $80 bucks to Uber this broke boy to help him because I loved him and that's just what you do when you're in love. I watched as this boy didn't finish jobs and didn't get paid when I was already handling the majority of rent. None of it mattered to him. He took and took and why wouldn't he? I continued to give. 

 

After leaving that relationship I told myself a few things. I would never date anyone that didn't have a place they claimed as their own. I would never date anyone that didn't have their own car because you're not about to depend on me to take you all around. And last, I would never date a man that hadn't made it in his career. Because what I experienced from a boy who hadn't made it was a weak ego, a male that would look to blame anyone but himself. A man secured in his job and finances isn't going to stress the same way a man will who can barely make rent. This doesn't mean I plan to stop my hustling and bustling. I still plan to take my man on a date and treat him to dinner and a movie every now and then. But that won't be the normal thing. My mom once said would you rather be crying in a broken down Ford or a Mercedes? And well I think we all know the answer, a mother-fucking Mercedes. 

 

It isn't that I am not supportive of people trying to make it, I just have no desire to ever be with a man who is trying to make it again. I've been there, I've done that. There is nothing wrong for wanting a financially secure man, there is also nothing wrong with being with someone who wants to take care of you. But I do believe all women should have some form of their own money, despite how great a relationship is you never want to be left high and dry or manipulated because you don't have money of your own. So the next time someone wants to say you're such a gold digger, own that shit. Because at the end of the day people will always respect your honesty more than a lie. And being upfront about your expectations in a partner is nothing to be embarrassed about. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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