The Come Up and Come Down of Success

In light of the death of renowned fashion designer Kate Spade I felt like it was a good time to release this blog. When I woke up and saw that the designer had committed suicide I was in shock. An extremely successful woman, with a family, it makes you ask what was wrong? Looking into her death I came across the suicides of two other famous designers Alexander McQueen and L’Wren Scott. All three of these successful and well-known people died by hanging themselves. I always admired and have felt connected to Kate Spade because she started her empire out of her 1-bedroom apartment; I started mine in my little studio apartment in Koreatown.

When I read about someone famous and successful committing suicide or suffering from depression it always brings me back to the realization that success doesn’t bring happiness. And we work and work and work for these goals and dreams and sometimes we achieve all we could have hoped for and still somehow feel empty inside. I struggle on the daily with a love/hate relationship with LA and all that comes with it. People in this city flock to who has something to offer or what they are doing at that moment and I was raised to value people for what’s on the inside and how they treat others. Sadly here if you don’t have a lot of followers or you just aren’t on yet people will treat you at times as if you are a lesser person when in all full reality we’re all just humans on a search for happiness, success, etc. etc. With that being said, I find myself often times in this city fighting through waves of depression and unhappiness. Yes a lot of times in this city and life in general it is about whom you know and your network/worth. But hard work does pay off. And if you believe in yourself and don’t quit good things will come. I believe this because recently I tasted my first “break-through” with ManEater, which I have yet to announce. But after I received the news I was obviously happy but I didn’t feel as fulfilled as I thought this achievement would make me. Which left me feeling unsettled. And then sadly I fell into a hole of depression that I have never experienced before. To the point where I wasn’t comfortable talking to my friends or family. I for the first time in a very long time felt as if I couldn’t even get out of bed. For a straight week I slept instead of living because living just seemed to depress me more. I then reached out to an old friend of mine that is quite successful and he told me that he experiences that all the time and it just means you want more. Which left me asking as humans are we ever satisfied with are success and achievements?

Last year, I had someone who claimed to love me tell me maybe I shouldn’t have started ManEater because at that time I was stressed on how to pay rent, hot to get my inventory together, etc. etc. But I never let that hinder me, only motivate me. There is never going to a right time to start something you just have to fucking do it. No it has not been easy, but through trial and tribulation I have continued to rise and will only continue to do that. The point in all this is I hope if you are suffering or see someone suffering you lend your hand out, you have the courage to ask what you can do. I hope that if you left someone suffering because of your actions you are brave enough to reach out and apologize to help them heal. I think as humans we are naturally selfish and with social media we have become more self-centered. I hope that we can remember what is actually important, that is the flesh and blood, that surrounds us; which we pass by on the street, or we stand next to at the checkout counter. When we die what legacy will we leave? Will you be known for your work ethic, how much money you made, how you treated people? The materialistic things don't seem as bright and shiny when you see that the people that have them may be living in a bigger house than you but aren't happier than you. People matter. Your mental and emotional health matter. Put those things before the money, and before the work, because those things will only mean more to you in a healthy and happy state of mind.

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