My biggest advice to any woman in a situation with anyone is the moment something doesn't feel right in your stomach walk away. We were given our intuitions for a reason. Follow them. I would have saved myself a lot of tears, trouble, pain, and truthfully time and money on a ain’t shit man if I had followed mine. So the big question.
Why did I try and believe him and stay?
Simple. Because my dumb-ass loved him and at the time I truly believed he was my soul mate, my best friend, my partner that I was going to take over the world with. I think it is one of my biggest faults and I’ve met other people like me with really big hearts that find themselves in trouble when dealing with others who aren’t built like them. Trusting that people are good, because my parents raised me to always see the good in people. I believed he was the man he said he was and that he wouldn’t lie to me. Because if I’m all of the things you said I was to you, how could you look me dead in the eyes and tell a straight lie like it was nothing? But he did. Over and over again he looked me in the eyes and convinced me that I was being crazy, that I was wrong, and in the end I was 100% right.
What led me into researching abusive relationships was that I found myself in one. It isn't a good feeling when you realize what a sunken place you're in with a person you think you love or you think loves you. And while there is a part of you that is going to be upset with them for how they treated you. The person you should be most upset with is yourself. My mom forced me to look into why I allowed someone to treat me that way and why I put up with it for so long. No one said growth was comfortable, easy, or that it feels good all the time. But what does feel good is seeing yourself in a better place. It isn't fun to look within yourself and work through your shit. But sometimes in order to grow you have to do that exact thing.
Does something, denies it, claims you are crazy for questioning them. Or turns the conversation or argument back on you.
Accuses you of doing things you aren’t doing. Things they are more than likely doing. Be careful of people, if they are cheating or have cheated they will accuse you of the things they find themselves doing. (Projection)
Continues to promise change or a great future but then delivers a nightmare or a completely different outcome.
Chronic liars and are highly manipulative.
Uses guilt, charm, hope, love, obligation, fear, or confusion to get what they want. Remember actions speak louder than words! Even after I had broken up with my ex I received a novel text saying all these apologies and sweet nothings like I was his rib, his love and family. Apologizing for how he treated me the past months, etc. Text I had received in the past after a bad argument. Did any of his actions prove that his texts were truths? No. Maybe he wanted to be that person in the text. But sadly he just isn’t. Accept that some people aren’t who they say they are and move on. You will be better off.
Often likes to agitate, provoke, argue, or “crazy make” and then pretends to not know why you are so upset.
Has a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality. (There were times I seriously questioned if my ex was bi-polar). He would be so mean at one moment than 10 minutes later it would be all love and it was truly a mind fuck.
Has a lack of empathy and sincere remorse for their behavior.
Yells or screams, name calling, belittles you, or gives the silent treatment.
Being called a bitch, being told fuck you, what you’re saying is stupid, etc. NONE OF THAT IS OKAY. I let that slip once and it happened again and again, including my birthday of all days!
(That's a story for another blog).